When the dog days of summer have passed by, parents and kids adjust to the new rhythms of fall with the beginning of school, sports, and more! With year-end holidays following soon after, it’s important for co-parents to get on the same page to ensure a harmonious season ahead. Check out these top tips for co-parenting success in autumn and beyond!
Know the Schedule
Perhaps you’re a family with a giant calendar in the kitchen or with a perfectly integrated and synced calendar app. However, you manage your schedules, most parents agree they get much fuller heading into September! 
Typically, co-parents operate across two separate households, so finding ways to coordinate pickups, drop-offs, sports games, recitals, and school events can be very challenging! Pave the way for a prosperous season when you:
- Take ownership of gaining access to important apps and portals – schools and sports teams often use apps or organizational-sanctioned portals for assignments, parent-teacher conferences, game times and more. Legally, both parents can have access to educational information, and the burden of registering is on each parent. Get the access you need so you can stay on top of important dates that fall during your custody period.
- Share information when it can’t be otherwise accessed – especially smaller sports organizations may use email to manage a season, sharing information with whoever registered the child. Either ask for your co-parent to be added or be sure to forward along pertinent information they need, especially when events take place during their custody periods.
- Discuss new activities before signing up – remember that with shared legal custody, you should make decisions together regarding things like signing your children up for activities. If your child participated in an activity for years prior to your separation or divorce, it doesn’t necessarily need to be discussed, and both parents should be on board to share the associated responsibilities.
Know the Court Order
Custody orders are usually very explicit about timing, days of the week, holidays, etc. Especially if it’s your first year following an order, be sure to read through it and know what days are yours and what days are your co-parents’.
Court orders typically address federal and traditional holidays. Holiday schedules precede the regular parenting plan, and co-parents alternate every year. For example, one parent may have the child(ren) Christmas Eve into Christmas morning with a midday exchange. The following year, this switches. But what about events like local trick-or-treats? Or perhaps you have unique family traditions or practice a religion like Islam or Judaism and observe holidays your co-parent does not. If these are not acknowledged in the order, you may need to address this in a custody conference or speak with your attorney. Do so as much in advance of the observance as possible to allow time for the accommodation to be made.
If you don’t have a court order, you may have no clear understanding of when you’ll have your children for holidays, causing potential anxiety and an inability to plan. Having an order provides clarity and helps avoid disputes with your co-parent.
Know Your Children
Co-parenting should aim to look out for your children’s interests and let them be kids, even when it means forgetting to bring home permission slips or telling you they have to stay after school for a club meeting. When you co-parent effectively and civilly, they are able to land in a space of grace, not a battlefield.
Be able to spot signs of anxiety and make them feel safe and heard as they navigate their “new normal” on special days like birthdays or their first Christmas post-separation or divorce. Empower them with coping skills that fit their personalities, enabling them to process this productively, and communicate with your ex about your children’s mental health and how you can support them together.
As you “fall” into a new season, commit to showing interest in your children and respect for your co-parent. Don’t let frustrations with your ex overshadow your love and pride for your kids.
Reprinted with permission from the Fall 2024 Edition of Network Magazine © 2024 All rights reserved. Further duplication without permission is prohibited.
